august 8th

soooo, i guess im starting a diary, i’ll try to keep this updated so i can read this when im rich and happy and laugh at how miserable i was back then. or probably won’t, who knows.

today a friend gave me a tarot reading. and i quote “hard times are coming, lots of changes, and you gotta be strong. you need to stop thinking about what you wanted it to be, and just accept and focus in what it actually is. a terrible emotional storm is coming but it won’t last long, after that everything will be calm and peaceful. beware of your decisions, because a bad one might hurt a loved one, and you’ll be really fake about it.” and trust me, im not that stupid to actually believe in that shit by heart, but i had my doubts. when you don’t know what the fuck will be next in your life you resort on stalking zodiac twitter accounts and friends with the “third eye”.
so, i asked him “is it possible that some of that shit is actually happening right now?” and he told me that it was probable so i’m waiting fo my “calm and peaceful”-ness right now. i have to say that i’m kind of relieved, i don’t think i could actually make it through another emotional storm. it’s like a “ripley’s believe it or not” situation. i’m tired of living in shitty show episodes, though. im tired of living in some kind of extremely gay and fucked up “skins” season (without all of the beautiful european teens) (and with cheap wine mixed with benzos instead of fancy mdma pills).

now let’s get back to the weekend, it was alright, i kissed lots of beautiful girls. not too many boys, not after him, it’s hard (but also i’m ugly as fuck). on friday i went to my main club with my girlies, it’s not that great anymore though. i guess i’m starting to see the “other side” of the gay scene, and trust me, it’s trash. i’ll tell you more about this another day. on saturday i went to a straight club, after three years. it was okay, i was high as fuck, but i danced my ass off and i needed that.

talking about him, i’m not checking his social media that much anymore, i don’t cry when i listen to lorde’s melodrama anymore, and i even deleted my unrequited love playlist. i miss having him around to quote vines and gay shit every day, but i can live without that. i just hope that he gets his shit together, and i hope to get mine together soon too. maybe i should’ve listened to that boy that warned me about pisces boys, maybe things would’ve been different. see? im resorting on esoteric stuff again. just take me to the hospital.